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naturalbornliar: Can a song make you want to cry at the same...

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 01:12:42 -0500

Can a song make you want to cry at the same time it makes you want devour someone sexually?

Yes.

Are the two really that different?

November 19, 2012 (3:09 AM)

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 04:07:26 -0500

A lot has changed lately. But change is good, right?
I quit IHOP. The hours sucked and the pay was shitty. Tomorrow I have plans and for some reason I wrote them down thinking that would help me actually follow through with them. We shall see…
I’m going to go pick up my last check from work (which will probably be a big, fat $40). Then I plan on taking Olivia to the library and applying for some jobs. Oh, last but not least, calling NWACC to get this college thing started. I’m really kind of excited about it to tell you the truth.
Me and Austin have been good. No huge fights, just little ones. Somedays he is really sweet. I love it and I wish he was like that all the time. Actually, today I was really doubting that we will ever be a couple. I just couldn’t find a reason for us to date. We’re basically dating now besides the fact that he can talk to other girls without it being considered cheating. That bugs me though. I LET him talk to other girls (dumb on my part), but he gets pissed if I talk to other guys. I don’t want to talk to other guys though. It’s a waste of my time. Oh, and today is Austin’s birthday. He’s 19 now.
I’m struggling with an addiction. I know I’m addicted. I want to stop, but then again I don’t. I’m always torn about it. I know the right thing to do, but I am a human and I am weak.
I hate being broke. I HATE IT. I need to buy Olivia Christmas presents. Zach owes me probably $1,000 in child support. I’m about to get it court ordered. Unfortunately, I can’t do it without his help.
And I’m down to my last cigarette. Goodnight.

"Let no one think of me that I am humble or weak or passive; let them understand I am of a different..."

Sun, 18 Nov 2012 00:39:25 -0500

“Let no one think of me that I am humble or weak or passive; let them understand I am of a different kind: dangerous to my enemies, loyal to my friends. To such a life glory belongs.”

- Medea (via fuckyeahgreatplays)

"I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore."

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 01:13:46 -0500

“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”

- Kurt Vonnegut (via nakedandreckless)

Prayer For a Daughter. In love with this.

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 06:21:06 -0500

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Photo

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:31:59 -0400

Today Zach dropped Olivia around 10:30 pm. I answered the door. Olivia’s first question...

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 03:00:46 -0400

Today Zach dropped Olivia around 10:30 pm. I answered the door. Olivia’s first question was “Where’s GiGi?!” and I told her she was in her bed. She gave Zach a hug and a kiss and ran downstairs. It was just me and Zach standing there. That’s when I realized how awkward we are around each other now. We can’t even make eye contact, it’s very strange. We used to be best friends, I was in love with him and he was in love with me. And now we can’t even look each other in the eyes? But it’s not in a rude way… It’s just if we make eye contact we start smiling or laughing. I don’t understand this at all. I’m not going to lose any sleep over this, I just thought it was weird. I suppose weird is good though. Goodnight freaks.

Beautiful words. Twenty Miles - Deer Tick

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 01:56:58 -0400

Raindrops like bullets on my fragile skin. And insecurities I’ve had are creeping within. Now I’m 20 miles outside of the place that you live. And I need one more chance now that time’s running thin.

Well you are the things that make up my dreams. And I’ve spent every dime that jingled my jeans. I deserve every stone that’s thrown out at me. And I think of your smile, I’m in love with your teeth.

I’m losin’ when I am not playin’ no games. Now, would you take me back when I gamble my pain? I’ve got no direction without her little fingers. Barbed wire, razor wire, nothing keeps me from her.

Now if I had no boots, I’d trek through the mud. While mosquitos are racing to draw the first blood. If you’re runnin’ away, then I’m lookin’ for you. And if you’ve lost your way, I’m seein’ you through. If you’re runnin’ away, then I’m lookin’ for you. And if you’ve lost your way, I’m seein’ you through…

Photo

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 23:26:04 -0400

I just set down to relax in the bath and the water was scolding on my feet. I was outside, barefoot,...

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 01:16:56 -0400

I just set down to relax in the bath and the water was scolding on my feet. I was outside, barefoot, so that didn’t help my case. I miss being a free teenager with no worries. Actually, I don’t miss it because I never had that. I suppose I just wish I knew what it was like. I’ve been a mother since I was 14. That sentence was very strange to type. Honestly, I have so much going through my mind right now I just want to scream. But my body is at ease. I’m confused. Sometimes I wish I had friends. I really only have two friends, kind of. There’s Austin, but he’s an asshole and I truly don’t know why I’m even friends with him. I don’t want to like him anymore. Our relationship just goes ‘round and ‘round in a big dysfunctional circle. We’re not on the best of terms right now. I really thought we were going to start dating but now he’s talking to another girl and doesn’t have much time for me anymore. I wish I could say it doesn’t bother me, but that would be a lie. Then there’s Alexis. Between working and sleeping we don’t spend much time together anymore. Just the occasional text, but she’s still my friend. My mom is coming back soon for a doctors appointment and she’s bringing me ten little presents. Those will help. I think I’m mildly depressed and might need a therapist and drugs. Mainly drugs. I need to wash my hair.

Thoughts from an android. 9-23-12

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 01:07:05 -0400

I feel like I haven’t collected my thoughts on here in forever! It’s 11:40 pm and I’m laying down in my cozy bed. It’s been a long weekend. Friday I worked from 6pm until 5am, but I made $140 in tips so I’d say it was worth it. After, I got off I went over to Austin’s. I wasn’t in a very good mood. We didn’t go to bed until the sun came up, around 7:30 am, then we cuddled and fell asleep. I love cuddling with him, especially with out clothes on. His skin against mine makes me feel like we couldn’t be any closer, almost like we are one. Anyway, we slept until 4pm. I got up and walked to my car and his parents were at the kitchen table. Even though we didn’t have sex, I felt like I was taking the walk of shame infront of his parents. WORST FEELING EVER. When I finally reached my car, which felt like an extremely long time, I got in and drove home. I had to be at work again at 6. I still had to take a shower and get ready and I hate feeling rushed. “Fuck!”, I thought. I arrived home, jumped in the shower, threw my hair up into a messy bun, and had time to smoke a cigarette before returning to work. Then I remembered I needed to eat, so I swung by McDonald’s and was very disappointed. My burger sucked. I got to work at 6pm and we were incredibly slow until around 10pm, when we got a little rush, and by 11:30pm we were dead again. I got cut at midnight, but didn’t get out of there until 1am. I went home and went straight to bed. I slept until 3:30pm today, which is Sunday. I got up and grabbed some clothes to slip into and went to pick up Austin. We went to his grandma’s to help her move some furniture around. I love his grandma. She’s the sweetest lady I’ve ever met. Plus, her taste in decoration and style is incredible. I feel like that’s how I’ll be when I grow older. She thinks I’m Austin’s girlfriend and that we are adorable together. We do make a very cute couple. Hopefully we will actually be a couple soon. Anyway, I’m home now and am exhausted. Goodnight.

Speak up.

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 00:27:05 -0400

Speak up.

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s...

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 04:11:58 -0400

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.’

If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen.

‘They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.’

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.”

― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Thoughts from an android. 9-18-12

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 00:50:06 -0400

It’s 11:50 pm and I really should be asleep right now. I have to be up by 9 to take a drug test. Blahhhh. I hate being on probation. Only 30 more days left! Anyway, I want to write about a boy. I love him, but I’m not sure if I want to. Our relationship is extremely complicated. We’ve known each other for almost 3 years, and a majority of the time he’s been in relationships with other girls (at the moment he is single). It’s not fair to me. I’m always there for him through ANYTHING. I listen to all of his girlfriend issues, and when he asks for feedback I always tell him to just break up with her if he isn’t happy, which he’s not, and then he gets aggravated with me. He’s happy with me, though. He truly is. I accept him for who he is and he does the same to me. In the past, we’ve always kept our “relationship” secret. We never kissed or showed affection of any kind infront of other people EVER. But it’s not like they didn’t know what was going on. Tonight was different. I went over to his house and his two friends were there. The entire time we acted like we always do, like we’re not in love with eachother, but when I got up to leave he said “Give me a hug and a kiss.”. Naturally, I thought he was joking, but he kissed me right infront of both of them. I was dumbfounded, confused, and extremely happy. I can’t lie to myself, I want him to be only mine and me to be only his. Hopefully this will happen soon because, frankly, I’m tired of waiting.

Photo

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 21:28:37 -0400

Too true.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 13:11:52 -0400

Too true.

Adorable.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:40:32 -0400

Adorable.

Hunter S. Thompson

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:39:57 -0400

Hunter S. Thompson

Favorite quote.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:37:46 -0400

Favorite quote.

Take me to Alaska.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:37:07 -0400

Take me to Alaska.